Boundaries Protect Who We Are
by Tim Murphy 

The human life is precious. Many of us have gone through adversities in life that have given us the false impression that we are less than, or that we don’t belong. Nothing could be farther from the truth. There’s a purpose and a plan for your life. Because you are worth it – you need to protect yourself with boundaries. 

Those of us, who’ve allowed our self esteem to go down hill, must realize it can’t stay down there. To begin to enjoy life the way it was intended we all need boundaries to protect that life. 

To begin, we need to put closure to the past and settle comfortably into the present. Those of us who have been hurt by others need to release any resentment we may have toward others, because they are only hurting us. It’s essential we forgive them. Some of us have been caught up in things we’re not proud of and the guilt has a devastating affect on who we are. We must forgive ourselves in order to move forward. Parts of out past that we have no control over may have been instrumental in leading us to where we are today. A traumatic experience that you may have fallen victim to could equip you in the present to help another person through it. There are no coincidences in life. Are you doing what you’re supposed to be doing for today? Here are ways to create healthy boundaries around yourself and your life…start today. 

1. It is essential that you like who you are. Take some time to develop a strong sense of who you are and what you care about. Make a list of everything you like about yourself. List everything you don’t like about yourself. Look hard at things you don’t like and things you can change. The things that you can’t change were meant to be yours and you need to make the best of them. 

2. Placing boundaries around you will protect you and keep you emotionally fit. Always ask yourself if a relationship is truly healthy. 

3. Don’t be a people pleaser. You no longer need the approval of every person that crosses your path. You need only the approval of the person in the mirror. People pleasing is for those with insecurities and low self esteem. 

4. Learn to say no. It’s one of the easiest words in the language and one of the hardest to use. 

5. Keep a positive attitude. Don’t allow negativity to cross your boundaries. Always protect the precious person that you are. Surround yourself with positive company and avoid negative people. Every day when you get out of bed you need to feed yourself a few a positive words that will impact your day greatly: “I’m going to be the best person I can be today, no matter what.” Create your own personal mantra and use it every day. Listen to positive people, listen to positive music, read positive material and your boundaries will strengthen.  

6. If you think someone is making you angry, is it because you are allowing them to? You do not have the power to change another person, but you do have the power to change yourself. Someone steps up to you with negativity that has the potential to make you angry, all you have to do is ask yourself: “whose stuff is it?” Very good! It’s their stuff. Let them walk away with their stuff! Don’t give them any power over your emotions. 

7. Always remember you have no control over people, places and things. You do have control over your ability to accept what you cannot change. 

8. Keep it simple. Don’t complicate things. Life is easier to live when it’s simple. 

9. Stop comparing yourself to the person next to you. You are only expected to do your best, so don’t put pressure on yourself to do any more than that. We’ve all heard the expression: “I was dealt a bad hand of cards.” Everyone has the same amount of cards. It’s not the numbers on the cards that give them worth, its how we play them. Use what you have and you will find peace and happiness within yourself and others will see it reflecting you. People will be attracted to you by the positive energy that you project.

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Tim Murphy is a clinical counselor for adolescents. As a student of the bible, Murphy has woven recovery skills and spirituality together, producing an effective strategy for recovery. Tim Murphy leads a support group through his church, conducts pastoral counseling and teaches life skills to adults. Murphy’s powerful message: “From Crack to the Cross, a journey of hope,” was published in August of ’07. Murphy’s seminars and lectures have eliminated stress out of many hearts and lives and replaced it with peace. He is also a professional motivational speaker. For more information visit www.ajourneyofhope.com.