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Life
With Fibromyalgia (FM)
by Angela Mathis
It was a hot afternoon when I was driving home from work. I looked up and
did not know where I was. I had driven by my turn and on my way back to I
don't know where. Luckily, my mobile phone was next to me. I proceeded to
call my husband and he was able to guide me home. This happened several
times after. Once I even forgot my home number. I had to call a relative.
Some other subtle things were going on...occasional headaches, dizziness,
fatigue, aches, weight gain, bloating, etc. So those dreaded doctor visits
began. You know the ones where they run test after test and they all come
back negative. Well yeah, I was happy the tests for Lupus, MS, Thyroid
disorders and so on were negative but I knew something was wrong. The
doctors started looking at me as though I was crazy and, guess what, I
started believing them. So, you already know what's going to be
next...doctors wanting to prescribe medications and psychological testing.
Finally, I was referred to a rhematologist and he told me that I had a
condition I couldn't even pronounce much less spell...fibro what? He went
on to tell me there were no specific tests to take to make sure that
fibromyalgia was what I had. It's almost like the process of elimination,
if you don't have the other dreaded illnesses, then you might have FM. He
explained to me about tender points. He then told me its all about diet
and exercise. This is what I did not understand. My husband and I rarely
ate fried food. We did have a healthy eating lifestyle and I did exercise.
In months prior, I put on a lot of weight and exercise was not doing any
good. I saw this rhemy about three times and each time he emphasized diet
and exercise...that was the key to dealing with fibro. I did not buy it.
I started learning as much as I could about FM. I went to the medical
resource library as well as online support groups. My discovery was very
interesting. I found out that FM is very controversial. Some doctors
believe it is an illness and some don't. Some find it intriguing and want
to know more about it and some don't even want to acknowledge it at all.
In fact, I ran across a doctor that was taking new patients but when the
receptionist found out I had FM...the doctor was no longer taking patients
with FM.
Well anyway, I managed to come across another rhemy. During the initial
visit, he took a lot of time talking to me about the stigma around FM. I
found out he had actually wrote articles and a book on this illness. There
was even a pain management program available. Of course, depending on the
type of insurance you have, there might be a fee.
Well, I did not stop there. I did have the psychological testing that was
mentioned. Findings were very hurtful. Tests showed a decline in my mental
ability...probably due to a physical illness. The psychologist wanted me
to adjust to my new life and realize my life as I once knew it was gone.
Guess what? I was not ready to do that.
In the meantime, my aches and pain were getting worse. During the winter
months, I could hardly walk when I got out of bed. Everything popped and
cracked...my neck, arms, legs, ankles. The headaches got worse along with
the dizziness. My vision was not good, especially depth perception. While
driving, cars looked like they were closer to me than they actually were.
I started having problems concentrating. I would often forget what I was
doing sometimes causing me to walk up and down the stairs several times.
Getting dressed was even a chore.
The worst part of it all was that there would be good days and I would
think that things were getting better. Wrong, they were followed by
bad days. It was almost like my body sent a delayed signal to my brain.
For example, usually someone knows if they are getting tired. Well, not
me. Sometimes I don't realize how tired I am until it's too late. I could
feel the fatigue hours later or it could be even days later.
You know I even thought about I would be better off dead. You see, I've
always been an independent person... I just got married 3 years ago. I did
not have a close family relationship but that was ok. I've learned to live
the best life I possible could and be happy. Now, I'm having trouble
taking care of myself. How was I suppose to go on? My husband has always
been supported. But hey, How could I expect him to understand what's going
on when I don't. That alone is bound to cause problems.
My last attempt...try alternative medicine. Wow, I found someone who
really understood. She also had me do some saliva and stool tests.
Findings proved that I was allergic to dairy foods, soy, yeast and sugar.
She put me on a strict anti-inflammatory diet for 20 plus days. Wow, my
extreme bloating, that I have not mentioned to you went down. I even
appeared smaller. She also found out that I have Candida and my cortisol
was elevated. The high cortisol was probably why I could not sleep good at
night. This alternative medicine doctor has really earned my trust by now.
I began trying supplements...a lot of supplements. Some of which made me
sick. You know the story. I stopped taking them.
I am learning to cope with this condition. I know we all can be healed.
No matter what doctors say, I know that I will be rid of this dreadful
illness. I feel like sometimes we go through challenges to make us
stronger and put things in prospective. Because of family situations, my
focus has always been on work. I thought the more money I made, the
happier I'll be. That's so untrue. I use to live to work. Now, I want to
work to live.
Sometimes we have to take the focus off of ourselves and put it on others.
I want others to know that they, too, will be ok. Don't look at the
natural. Look at the supernatural. You know the power of the tongue is
strong. Yes, I have a lot of bad days now. The only difference is I don't
voice them. I know I'm healed. I can see the light at the end of the
tunnel. Yes, sometimes my sadness is heavy but my happiness is even
greater.
I get some much enjoyment waking up to the birds chirping, seeing the fall
blossoms come up or the moon I saw when I looked out the window last
night. Simple things are now my pleasures. Years ago when my friends
talked about going to the mountains, I ignored them. Now, that's one of my
favorite places to go. The quietness, fresh air and sounds of nature are
unbelievable. Water...pond, lake, beach, river...is therapeutic also. I am
really learning how to let go and enjoy life. I know there is some purpose
in me being diagnosed with FM and I'm just trying to listen for instructions
on how to carry it out.
Yes, my life is better now. I try to limit my intake of sugar, diary
products, bread and soy. I consume a lot of fresh juices and smoothies. I
have begun, once again, to exercise...walking and slow jog, light weights
and yoga/mediation. I no longer beat myself up if I don't feel like doing
something. I no longer feel a need to prove myself or abilities to anyone.
I realize we only have one shot at this thing called life. Now knowing
that, are some of those things we worry about really important?
Hopefully, my story is unique because it offers hope and encouragement to
others who are going through FM or other illnesses. The best advice I can
give to others and myself is to LISTEN to our bodies. Be in tune to what
your body, spirit and soul is telling you. All of our answers lie within
us.
_____________________
I am 40 years old and live in Indian Trail, NC...outside of Charlotte with
my husband Earl.
This condition has given me the opportunity to take the focus off of
myself and put it on others. Currently, I am volunteering with the
hospital and Hospice. I hope to become a strong advocate for Fibromyalgia
awareness. Your feedback is greatly appreciated. You may email me at admathis@earthlink.net.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read my story.
Angela Mathis
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